How to Deal with Bosses that Manage by Proxy?!

Tweet: If you catch your boss managing by proxy, it is your priority to stop this in its tracks by preemptively taking charge and acting on it.

Management by proxy comes into play when a manager or supervisor does not give you their first-hand input on how you are performing, behaving, or interacting with others, but takes these inputs from those they trust or from those in their inner circle (their pets). They often bring such observations into discussions with you as if they have themselves observed you and start telling you what you need to do to improve, what, to them, seems off-track. Some of my clients come to me puzzledeven baffledwhen what they hear from their manager does not remotely comport with their own account of how they see what is going on or what they see as their own actual play in that script.

What compounds this proxy problem further is that if a manager has a large inner circle of pets it is difficult to pin down or even surmise where a particular input may be coming from. Further, if the manager is coy, but acts as if they are confident about the observation it is difficult for clients who are not as assertive as they need to be to challenge them and ask for specifics to make those remarks actionable and for the client to improve their standing in their managers eyes. So, what do you do in cases where a proxy manager manages you? Here is my list:

1.In many cases where client comes to me there is a ratcheting history of this proxy behavior. Initially, it starts with little or benign observations. If the client does not probe further and takes that input as valid then slowly the proxy behavior ratchets up from benign to venomous and increasingly more malicious statements about your missteps are brought to your attention.

2.So, a good countermeasure for management by proxy is to challenge the very first such encounter with your manager and ask them to provide you the when, the who, the what, the where, and the how. Making the manager increasingly more uncomfortable will be a good countermeasure to stop this vicious practice in its tracks. After you challenge your manager in early such encounters it is to your benefit to say, Jim, I am here to improve and to provide you the best performance I know how. So, for this to happen I need your first-hand, honest, and direct feedback. Id appreciate if we can get this underway from now on.

3.If the proxy behavior continues your next step is to ask for how they got this input and that you are willing to work on it if the person that relayed that to your manager is also in the room with you two to share the details of what they observed. If the manager is guilty of this practice they are going to be reticent about divulging the details. This is where you must make it clear to them that for you to succeed, and, in turn, them, you must have actionable feedback that makes sense in the context of the observable behavior. Otherwise you interpret it as gossip and as counterproductive to your effectiveness. If you convey this sentiment in such a language the manger is not likely to miss its import.

4.If the manager has the courage to bring the person who reported to them your (mis) behavior then have an open discussion with the person and in that group (you, manager, and their pet). Make sure that you do not attack anyone in the process and stay calm and factual as you go through the process. Ask that pet if they would be willing to catch you when they observe such behavior directly and immediately upon any such or similar future incident. Assure them that you would be open to their input and feedback in a constructive way.

5.After your forthright meetings with your manager one of two things are bound to happen: Your manager gives you direct and actionable feedback or continues managing by proxy unabated. If the former happens thank your manager for understanding your needs and helping you improve your performance; in the latter case have yet another more serious conversation with your manager and then decide if you want to continue under that manager or leave your job for another.
In one recent case of a client she was not able to take proactive action early on and her manager continued to manage by proxy with increasingly toxic interactions. Soon she had to go on a stress-related disability and finally quit her job. There is no reason for anyone to suffer through such indignities and torture. You must be vigilant and take early action to protect your health, welfare, and your career!

Good luck!

About Author

Dilip has distinguished himself as LinkedIn’s #1 career coach from among a global pool of over 1,000 peers ever since LinkedIn started ranking them professionally (LinkedIn selected 23 categories of professionals for this ranking and published this ranking from 2006 until 2012). Having worked with over 6,000 clients from all walks of professions and having worked with nearly the entire spectrum of age groups—from high-school graduates about to enter college to those in their 70s, not knowing what to do with their retirement—Dilip has developed a unique approach to bringing meaning to their professional and personal lives. Dilip’s professional success lies in his ability to codify what he has learned in his own varied life (he has changed careers four times and is currently in his fifth) and from those of his clients, and to apply the essence of that learning to each coaching situation. After getting his B.Tech. (Honors) from IIT-Bombay and Master’s in electrical engineering(MSEE) from Stanford University, Dilip worked at various organizations, starting as an individual contributor and then progressing to head an engineering organization of a division of a high-tech company, with $2B in sales, in California’s Silicon Valley. His current interest in coaching resulted from his career experiences spanning nearly four decades, at four very diverse organizations–and industries, including a major conglomerate in India, and from what it takes to re-invent oneself time and again, especially after a lay-off and with constraints that are beyond your control. During the 45-plus years since his graduation, Dilip has reinvented himself time and again to explore new career horizons. When he left the corporate world, as head of engineering of a technology company, he started his own technology consulting business, helping high-tech and biotech companies streamline their product development processes. Dilip’s third career was working as a marketing consultant helping Fortune-500 companies dramatically improve their sales, based on a novel concept. It is during this work that Dilip realized that the greatest challenge most corporations face is available leadership resources and effectiveness; too many followers looking up to rudderless leadership. Dilip then decided to work with corporations helping them understand the leadership process and how to increase leadership effectiveness at every level. Soon afterwards, when the job-market tanked in Silicon Valley in 2001, Dilip changed his career track yet again and decided to work initially with many high-tech refugees, who wanted expert guidance in their reinvention and reemployment. Quickly, Dilip expanded his practice to help professionals from all walks of life. Now in his fifth career, Dilip works with professionals in the Silicon Valley and around the world helping with reinvention to get their dream jobs or vocations. As a career counselor and life coach, Dilip’s focus has been career transitions for professionals at all levels and engaging them in a purposeful pursuit. Working with them, he has developed many groundbreaking approaches to career transition that are now published in five books, his weekly blogs, and hundreds of articles. He has worked with those looking for a change in their careers–re-invention–and jobs at levels ranging from CEOs to hospital orderlies. He has developed numerous seminars and workshops to complement his individual coaching for helping others with making career and life transitions. Dilip’s central theme in his practice is to help clients discover their latent genius and then build a value proposition around it to articulate a strong verbal brand. Throughout this journey, Dilip has come up with many groundbreaking practices such as an Inductive Résumé and the Genius Extraction Tool. Dilip owns two patents, has two publications in the Harvard Business Review and has led a CEO roundtable for Chief Executive on Customer Loyalty. Both Amazon and B&N list numerous reviews on his five books. Dilip is also listed in Who’s Who, has appeared several times on CNN Headline News/Comcast Local Edition, as well as in the San Francisco Chronicle in its career columns. Dilip is a contributing writer to several publications. Dilip is a sought-after speaker at public and private forums on jobs, careers, leadership challenges, and how to be an effective leader.

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